After Rick Moranis’ Op-Ed in the NYTimes, November 22, 2006

The average American home now has more television sets than people … according to Nielsen Media Research. There are 2.73 TV sets in the typical home and 2.55 people, the researchers said. — The Associated Press, Sept. 21.

I HAVE two kids. Both are away at college.

I have five television sets. (I like to think of them as a set of five televisions.) I have two DVR boxes, three DVD players, two VHS machines and four stereos.

Thought I’d count my stuff:

I have two dogs, and a kitten. I also have two step-kids. They visit every second weekend and stay for the summer, Easter, and Xmas holidays.

I have four television sets. One belonged to Panos’s father, but it died soon after he did.

One is attached to the kids’ GameCube and DVD player. One is unplugged. One is in the main room and it is normally Panos who turns it on to watch a game of soccer or a movie. I may view a DVD on it, but not often.

I have three remote controls. One of them controls both DVD players, as one player lost its control.

I have one computer, one printer, one scanner. There are three other computers in the house, and two other printers. I sometimes use a second computer. One computer is no longer working.

I have two phone lines, three phones, one mobile phone. One phone has no buttons, only a dial. It no longer works.

I rarely answer the phone.

I have one desk lamp and one desk chair.

I have five photo albums and three boxes of photos taken during the last decade. Earlier photos are in albums back home in Sydney.

I have ten plants in the house. Four of them are cactuses.

I have two takeout menus from two restaurants.

I have four types of coffee, two instant, two for the plunger, and five types of tea.

I have eight coffee mugs, one plunger and two kettles.

I have one refrigerator.

There isn’t much in it and I haven’t cleaned it.

I have two bathrooms. I have one toothbrush, hairbrush, and eyebrow brush, which is actually a recycled toothbrush.

I have eleven pairs of sport shoes, heels, thongs, slippers, and boots.

I’m wearing slippers.

I have many, many books. Some here, some in Sydney. I’m too lazy to count them.

I have one copy of the Concise Oxford English Dictionary, and one magnifying glass.

I have one copy of Bertrand Russel’s A History of Western Philosophy, but the front cover and first few pages were ripped off by Coelho when he was a pup. I need a new copy.

I have one subscription to the LRB, Granta, Think, The Philosophers’ Magazine, and MsLexia.

I have ten books on my bookshelf that I have not yet read.

I have one favourite pen. Panos gave it to me. It was his first gift to me.

I have one wedding ring. I am wearing it.

I have three credit cards.

I have eight windows from which I can see the sea. Or I can walk out the one door, then walk across the road to the beach.

I have one guestroom.

I like it empty.

I have one wall clock.

It is always 6.34 o’clock.

I have seven maps of Greece.

I have five suitcases.

I have two homes.

I have a lot of time to travel.

But time is running out.